Category Archives: Relationships

Relationships, Sex

Female Objectification and Oppression…

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???????????????????????????????are the same side of the coin. Trying to put the feminine into a box, in order, that she be contained and controlled… is the need of weak, insecure, needy men and a weak, insecure society.

Respect, love, commitment and honor cannot and do not exist in this climate…

Nor do emotional fulfillment, contentment, security, or any kind of self-actualization in either the male or the female.

As both create a distancing of the female from the heart and emotions of the male and from herself.

Playboys go from woman to woman to ‘avoid’ an emotional connection… they may ‘think’ that they are so ‘cool’, but they are ‘fearful’ of anything real, so they ‘use’ a woman for what they ‘think’ they need, or can ‘get’, then off they go…. they objectify a woman. Sure, they may ‘think’ that they treat a woman ‘nice’ … but if they can’t go to the level of emotions, they are ‘using’ her and actually denying themselves true fulfillment…

This is what any man is doing that objectifies a woman… for her beauty, her sexuality or just the pride of having her on his arm, if that is what it is really all about, in that, he ‘thinks’ having her ‘makes’ him ‘appear’, or temporarily ‘feel’ like a ‘man’… HA!

Ogling a woman in a nude photo is just a objectifying as forcing her to cover-up every aspect of her identity and physicality.

Islam both objectifies and oppresses women. The males have been taught that a woman is their property and if she doesn’t do as he wishes, that he can beat, stone, maim and even kill her. This is vile beyond belief… as the feminine is the keeper of the heart of any society.

Imagine how loveless these arranged marriages are and what the children observe…
The man has no comfort and neither does the woman. Forcing a woman to submit to you… will not bring about love or contentment… Imagine the sexual horrors and abuse that are inflicted. Children living in and observing this will grow up full of hate and frustration… as we see in all Muslim countries….no wonder they hate, kill and commit terror. It’s taught in the home. A male observing what is done to Muslim women hasn’t a chance of knowing a fulfilling love… you might say that love in this kind of a society is destroyed at birth.

In todays, ‘progressive’ Iran, they don’t stone anymore (well, maybe, only in the small villages and maybe just a little bit). They are now more humane and only hang women.  If you are a ‘misbehaved’ woman, please be prepared to be hung. Islamic Republic of Iran, the regime which Barack Hussein Obama and Liberal Democrats want to negotiate with. I wonder what will they negotiate about? Which of the US cities Ahmadinejad must avoid to nuke and which women, the Islamic judicial system should avoid to hang? Liberalism is Islamism’s best friend. US Democratic Party is Islamists’ party of choice.

In this environment, the male never gets the full comfort of the woman nor the woman the man… love does not exist in fear and without respect… it’s impossible. Also the mutilation of a woman’s genitalia is to make sure that she does not enjoy sex… just how sick is this… What sick male would want to have sex with a woman who doesn’t enjoy it? A rapist, a sadistic, evil, sick and twisted one… and Islam creates and promotes this kind of a man…

According to figures in an Oxfam report in October, 87 percent of Afghan women report having experienced physical, sexual, or psychological violence or forced marriage.

Of course, there is abuse in some relationships in all countries, but a woman has a right to protect herself.. In Islam, she does not… it’s Sharia Law….and they are wanting to implement this in America.. and this is everything American women are not.

In my opinion, any American woman who marries into this practice is asking for a living hell.

When the male respects, honors, and nurtures the female, he creates a place for the female/male balance to occur and this is the only way to create a healthy world of peace, contentment and love.

Objectify and oppress the feminine out of the fear of their desire for her, makes and creates men who are cold, evil, heartless, needy, self-gratifying, immoral, hate-filled, rapid savages. Instead of men who learn how to submit to love, emotions and caring…
which ultimately makes them stronger…

They can drive around in a flashy sports car, or hang out in bars, ‘thinking’, they are so cool… or they can walk the desert with a sword, but they are the same desperate animals… lowly, un-evolved needy babies.

Have you ever wondered who stones women in the Muslim world?
Have you ever wondered what type of people are capable of this action?
Have you ever wondered what type of mindset would do such despicable acts?
Well, here are your answers! The men in the photo on the right… don’t you want to just give them hugs? HA!… Can you even imagine being forced to have sex with one of these angry animals?!

Wise men know that a woman’s love and her heart are what give him the ultimate strength….so they treasure the feminine and treat her with respect for the wisdom of her heart and the refinement in her being. So, to either toy with her emotions, in order, to enter her body, or to rape and kill her destroying her emotions and her body are similar in intent…  Think about it long and hard…

Women who allow men to objectify and abuse them are fools….

The balance of the male/female is the yin/yang that creates this world… the feminine gives birth to life.. all men pass though a woman’s body… the utmost respect and honor should be given to her…

Relationships

Dancing in relationship to commitment…

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 In relationship, a man leads and a woman follows, just like partners in a dance… there must be a leader and a follower. That doesn’t mean that one is more important than the other… as they must both be there and participating for the dance/relationship to flow and to be a success. A relationship is a dance… and if the man isn’t a strong, consistent, competent, trustworthy, responsible, and an ethical leader, the whole thing can get off track, or won’t go anywhere and can even fall completely apart.

A woman must feel that she can lean and will be held solid and that there will be strong arms holding her. She needs to feel protected, attractive, desired, appreciated, feminine and cared for. If not, she won’t and can’t express, bloom, shine, allow vulnerability and glow and certainly can’t relax to come into the full expression of herself. And that is where and what a man’s place is, to create the space for the ‘feminine’, ‘his love’ to bloom and by doing so, he will have an enduring, happy relationship and home filled with love, peace and abundance and a soft place to fall and re-energize. A woman, the feminine, leads a man to his heart, back to his heart and to his soft emotional side of expression. Many men can only open up emotionally to the woman in their life. But some are too fearful, or shut down, cold, cut off, angry or were never taught, or had this basic genuine element of the feminine.

But as in the dance, in a relationship, if the man, lets the woman fall once, she will question her trust and if he lets her fall too many times, trust will be completely gone and the purpose of the dance/relationship will cease and might stop altogether. Its flow stops and instead becomes stressful, without confidence, conflicted, even angry, and it is impossible to continue and unbearable to observe.  
As in the dance, most often the eyes are on the feminine lines and expression as the male supports her. She can’t do it, ‘her magic’, without his strength and support and he can’t express his strength, his manhood without her softness, flexibility and trust.

The intertwining of the masculine and feminine in the dance is a beautiful thing to observe…it’s like watching love…as it is in a relationship. But a man must lead.. and the woman have trust enough to follow. And this trust is up to the man to instill and demonstrate by his words, actions, deeds and behaviors.

Some males are needy and lost, flitting from partner to partner, trying to ‘find’ the ‘perfect’ fit, instead of ‘being’ the perfect fit. They are emotionally lost, unsound and not true to anyone, even themselves.  They don’t have the core and purpose of the dance in them. They don’t know how to lead… aren’t man enough … so they flit from one female to another until the women recognize his inability and either turns away, or he makes sure he is gone, before she realizes that he can’t lead, isn’t a man, can’t be a solid, strong male. He is afraid for being seen for what he really is…so he deflects and side steps to avoid in all sorts of ways.
 
Sure a woman can dance alone, as can a man … but there is nothing like the male/female dancing together. If a woman needs to take the lead and become too masculine in her behavior the balance becomes distorted and ‘off’. If a man becomes too feminine and follows unsure, the balance becomes off. The flow is disrupted. It’s the balance of the male/female that is the beauty and the flow in the dance… the balance. Sometimes, the dance is fast, sometimes it is slow, but with true partners and a strong male lead it always has its rhythm and jive…rockn’roll, two-step, waltz, cha-cha, free style or ‘whatever’ it is, it works…as some partners develop their own style that works just for them.

As in a relationship, a man is the leader in a family. He guides with strength and nurturing. The lack of this leadership creates chaos in the family. Sure, a woman can head a family and ‘act’ the part of man. And a man can ‘act’ the part of a woman, but it is not as complete as when there is both a man and a woman displaying, doing and honoring their respective God-given natures for the children to observe.

In this world today, many men seem to have forgotten how to lead. They have forgotten what a male is in relation to the female. And women have allowed this to occur, as they are behaving like men… sexually and otherwise. Men don’t respect women who behave like men. And women don’t respect men who behave like women… It’s not in our nature, our DNA to do so… So, respect is gone and so is the ability to love…

It’s being diminished to sexual exploitation. It’s been lowered to taking, instead of giving, sharing and honoring. It is an empty, lost and vapid existence to those who do this. They may think it is exciting at first, but look at the faces and bodies of those who do this…it shows everywhere on them and in everyway. 

The dance falls apart, families are without leaders, children are lost, love is gone and no one is content, at peace, living in the security of love and happiness and it affects the whole society. The way a society respects the feminine defines its nature. Diminish, disrespect, or suppress the feminine and the society becomes harsh, violent and without morality or true honor. 

It’s up to the woman whose hand she takes.  An ’emotionally healthy’ woman will not pick a weak leader, or she will break the dance when she realizes his lack of male character. Or she, not trusting him, will try, or be forced to lead and in doing so, she will become frustrated, bitter, and resentful as  this is not in her natural flow.

A man may pick, but a woman chooses.

I say we need to come back to the natural dance of male/female. You can watch a couple in love, who have shared much and when they dance they flow… the man leads out of love and respect and the woman follows out of respect, trust and love…And any man who has had a woman look at him in love and admiration know the glory and glow that emanates from her to him.
It’s an energy from the heavens…

And commitment is key to this dance… A man takes a woman’s hand and leads her to the dance floor and it begins…with his hand on the small of her back to guide her…

The dance is the perfect display and example of the male/female balance.
That is why it is so pleasing to behold just as it is to observe people in love.. it is an expression of joy… the perfect balance of the male/female in action…

Thoughts?

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Men, Relationships

When it comes to anger, men are predictable…

 ???????????????????????????????A man gets angry when he feels bad about himself.

He may be feeling ineffectual – that he can’t make something happen. That he can’t change his circumstances, or help someone, or – most importantly – make you happy.

He may feel like he’s always disappointing you. Or…

He may feel guilty because he knows he’s done something bad, something that hurt you, something that makes him feel like less of a man. And so he goes right back to the place where he feels ineffectual to make you happy.

He may feel like he screws up all the time (and maybe he does – and I certainly don’t want any woman with a man who’s always hurting and disappointing her).

HOW ANGER COMING FROM GUILT OR FEELING INEFFECTUAL LOOKS ON A MAN:

He barks. He blames you for ANYTHING he can find, putts YOU down, attacks YOU, brings up stuff he KNOWS will push your buttons. He asks questions he KNOWS will start a fight, trying to provoke you to attack him. He withdraws. He gets sullen, quiet, depressed. He gets sick, tired, fatigued, listless, loses his interest in sex, starts watching TV, buries himself in work, hobbies or friends. Maybe, he starts up with other women.

Where and how these responses started has nothing to do with you. They’re habitual patterns, he discovered, and used as survival mechanisms when he was growing up. His mother, his teachers, his family, his childhood friends created this in him – you DIDN’T.

And yet – you’re walking into it!

You’ve now become a part of his web of behavior – and everything you do and say is likely to trigger him just like was triggered long ago.

ALL A MAN WANTS IS TO FEEL GOOD.  A man is 90% ego….

He wants to feel like he’s NOT disappointing you. That he’s NOT ineffectual. He wants to be your HERO.

Only – when he’s acting in the ways, I’ve described above – he doesn’t seem heroic.  So, it’s hard to treat him likehe is a hero…

So – we women make the mistake of trying to help, we ‘think’ that we did something ‘wrong’, when it is all about him.

We ‘think’ that telling him it’s “all alright” will help. When, actually – that just pushes him away…

It can push him further into the nightmare of feeling “mothered” and so it pushes him back into his old web, where he’ll get even more triggered. And who wants to feel like a mother to a man?  Disgusting!

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS TO RESPOND LIKE A WOMAN FROM HIS PRESENT – NOT A WOMAN FROM HIS PAST.

You don’t want to go INTO his web. You want to stay in YOUR emotional space!

Here are some words you can use when you know something isn’t going right:

1. I’m feeling weird, is there something I should know?

2. I’m feeling quiet. (And then say and do nothing.)

3. I’m feeling anger. I don’t know if it’s mine or yours.

4. I’m feeling all closed in, some air would feel good (then go out for a walk, or drive to the market and walk around, or to the nearest coffee house, or the gym.. and have some fun! You don’t need to let his ‘moods’ control yours and this is what, as women, we too often do).

5. I’m feeling many feelings inside all jumping around… I feel that you’re mad at me, and I feel angry at you, too.

6. Best solution: Get YOURSELF happy. Find out what you like and want to do for ‘you’ then go do it. And enjoy the feeling. Men can suck the life out of a woman when they are in their down mode. So get away from it…

Get silly, laugh… shift the energy…

If you choose to stay around him – find all the humor you can in everything. Just laugh – at things YOU forgot, or at things YOU saw during the day.

Practice enjoying your life, regardless of how he’s behaving. Lifting the mood can shift it…

A woman is not responsible for a man’s moods…. and sometimes, it’s good to distance yourself, even push him away…

If you aren’t yet married, or committed, observe clearly how he manages his anger… it might be that he’s too emotionally dysfunctional to be around or to sray with…

Moody, angry men are often insecure in themselves and no one can ‘fix’ that, but himself. And men who are moody, too often, make terrible mates. I say dump them… or at least, distance yourself…

Let them learn to deal with themselves…

As men mature, glean emotional insights about themselves, they ‘usually’ learn to become more aware of moody and anger behaviors, but some men get worse as they age… almost like pouty little boys, or they become abusive… These kind of men … need to be without you… so say BYE BYE!…

With the mulitiple stresses of the world these days, many men are showing angry behaviors more often… Seeing how a man handles stress, anger and moods shows you much about who he really is….

What do you say men, how does anger express itself in you?…

And what might your lady do, if anything…? Or should she even try…? Do you think that it is ultimately your responsibility to deal with your anger,  or do you dump it on her and everyone around you?

A man leads a relationship, or marriage.. and an often angry, pouty one, leads it off track, into chaos and ultimately into hell….

Honest communication can reveal, heal and release much…

(And men, I know there are angry women, but we are talking about male anger here.)

Men, Relationships

Playboys, Never Married Men and Committment…

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???????????????????????????????A playboy is a philanderer who devotes himself to a life of “play”. The term typically refers to a man who has numerous brief sexual relations with women… some have serial ‘marriage-like-play-like’ encounters that never result in a real commitment.   

Some people ‘think’ the term ‘playboy’ is glamorous and some men even ‘think’ it’s a compliment to be called a ‘playboy’… I think it’s one of the lowest things that a man can be. A playboy is a man that is still a ‘boy’… he ‘plays’ at being a man. He ‘plays’ house and  ‘plays’ at manly things… What could be more unattractive in a man?…

What makes a man attractive is maturity, responsibility and the ability to have an enduring lasting relationship with the ability to care and really love. A man who is in touch with his emotions in honesty is sexy… not a man that walks around trying to see how many women he can have sex with… this kind of a man is a joke unto himself and a blight to woman-kind.

A playboy is attracted just as far as the conquest goes, when he feels that he succeeds, or even partially succeeds, he becomes less attracted. This behavior is nothing, but empty, immature and can even become ‘cocky’. And this is not attractive, sexy, glamorous, or manly. It’s weak and childlike, grabbing for one toy, after getting it, tiring of it, then reaching for another.
Gigolo : 40 something executive with tuxedo flirting with young girls.
Men, I have met, and gone out with, who are over forty and have ‘never been married’, usually are very lacking. They can’t see it in themselves, but they are self-centered, even arrogant (a coverup for their innate insecurity) and I find them emotionally immature on many levels. Truth be known, many have sexual issues, even if they have had many sexual partners.  Having a need for many sexual partners is a sign of immaturity and an emotional lack. A person who has had, or can have emotionally satisfying sex, doesn’t desire random meaningless sex, unless, they are emotionally stunted and trying to cover-up deep seated issues.

‘Playboys’, or ‘the never married male’ often state that they just haven’t met the ‘right’ woman, but to me it appears more like they aren’t the ‘right’ man. They aren’t ‘right’ with themselves or who they are inside.

When they observe their friends getting divorced, they are ‘proud’ that they haven’t had to endure this. Yeah right! They haven’t experienced, or endured much of anything where ‘real commitment’ is concerned. They are so afraid of divorce that they never marry. They are so fearful  that they are afraid of losing what they never have had, or experienced. How pathetic is that?

The real deal with the ‘never married man’, forty and up, is that they can’t commit, are afraid of failure and real intimacy. So, they objectify women and diminish marriage and commitment to make themselves feel better about their inability to commit, to choose, and to make long term relationship decisions.

They need that ‘easy’ satisfaction, that ‘rush’ of something new, an escape, a change and they may not really like women, may even fear women, and certainly have a fear of knowing themselves in relation to a female. That’s why they pull away when it begins to get ‘real’.

So, quick seduction, or even slow seduction with all the words that ‘play’ like love with some ‘play-like’ actions and they may even enjoy ‘playing house for awhile’, of course,  without the ‘unnecessary  (very necessary) commitment’.  They always side step, or exit, then blame the woman as ‘she just wasn’t the right’ one’, as their MO.

It’s much easier to pursue and run away when it gets to real or close, than to really commit and get to know themselves in relation to another. In a committed relationship, is when, and only how you get to know yourself. It’s called ‘relationship… in relationship with another. Playboys and the never married, usually don’t have much of a relationship with themselves.

Commitment is when love really begins then grows. Marriage is a beginning, not an ending. Without commitment, love definitely will fade, with commitment, there is the opportunity for love to grow deeper.

It’s the endurance of commitment that allows for the possibility of true love and growth in both the man and the woman.

Many men these days are so immature and emotionally disconnected, unattractive and unavailable that the possibility of real love will always evade them.
They want the sex and fun, but with none of the responsibility or commitment…
so it’s superficial, empty and soon becomes meaningless…

40 something executive with tuxedo flirting with young girls. Stock Photo - 5185220I know a man who is over 50 and never married. He ‘thinks’, he knows about relationships, even marriage, when he is clueless.  Knowing him as long as I have, this makes me laugh, as he’s delusional. He doesn’t love. He gets ‘enamored’ for a bit then shuts down, or exits. He states that women cheat on him. I understand why because he is never really connected or emotionally available.  He has aged dramatically over the years, is overweight, his body and face appear unloved and unlovable and everything about him is less attractive, even the way that he walks and moves, but he still has that internal ‘playboy’ facade of ‘I am so desirable’… and that he is ‘holding out his commitment and marriage for the one.’  It is really sad, he has lost it, if he ever even had it, and he can’t see it, or who he is, or how he really comes across… he has little to nothing to offer a woman because he has nothing to give.

So, I wondered, does he think that the age of 60, ‘Ms. Perfect’ is going to appear and want him so badly that she will put up with his immature antics and BS that only a mother would, or could deal with? Doubt it! (Is that what these ‘playboys’ think is going to happen?) I told him 15 years ago that he will never marry, and as of yet he hasn’t and I bet, he never will.

Men with deep seated insecurities are too fearful to be really and deeply intimate with a woman. While at the same time, they are very needy even desperate for feminine energy.  Immediate and momentary sexual closeness temporarily satisfies this need and their appetite as they think of their self and their needs and not what they are doing to the woman in emotional harm. They can suck a woman dry then run off to suck the energy from another. The real loser types have several women going at once. They are so fearful of being left without a woman to suck energy from that they keep many on the string.

They put their innate insecurity onto the women in their lives…. and no woman can handle it for long, they wear her down, and the woman that can, they don’t want. Because she sees through him and forces him to look at himself.

The man that I spoke of previously, I can barely spend a lunch with any longer… he is so needy and depressing. But he can’t say… ‘I am unhappy, I need this, or that, I feel lost.’ No, he will say that he is happy and fine. That he is so together, when everything about him appears lost. He is usually deeply depressed. He has no ability to see himself and not only that, he is after a woman with money.  He wants to be taken care of…  so from ‘playboy’ to ‘gigolo’…he, now, complains when he spends money on a woman… GEEZ! Loser much! Like any woman would want him.

Nothing is more pathetic than an aging playboy! Insecurity reeks from every pore.  Playboys are superficial, weak and needy. And the older ones that drive around in their flashy cars trying to appear so ‘with it’ are so not…

Men who can commit, have emotional depth and want to be held accountable to the woman that they love. They aren’t fearful of being known for who they are and the experience of growing in love. They want to care for their woman and make her feel safe and nurtured as a mature and emotionally healthy male does. They want to give and provide … that is what a man is and does, that is the true nature of the male.. a real man in relation to a female.

Beach lovers.Nothing is more attractive than a man who can love deeply and having experienced marriage, this kind of man, wants to experience it again, because he knows that this is a remarkable way to interact and to live, to have a witness to your life of who you are and who you become while living and sharing it together.

It takes a secure man to commit. It’s the weak ones that can’t and who focus on sex and are ‘playboys’…The male/female connection is bliss at it’s finest ….
but with a ‘playboy’ it’s empty, as they are empty vessels… looking to be filled up, instead of filling up another…

How do I know this? My first husband was a ‘playboy’. Yes, some do marry, but they continue their ‘playboy’ ways while married (as in Arnold, Edwards, Wiener, to name a few). My ex was an emotional phony and terrible in bed. I was the wife he wanted for his ‘image’. I am a ‘playboy’ magnet. I have observed and studied them for years.  I can now spot them at a glance. They are the needy penises that I refer to and that is exactly what they are…they are everywhere and the Internet is a playground for them…

Of course, I have had relationships with men who were and are not ‘playboys’… there are good men.. so don’t you guys get all in a huff. Only these days… Wow! From what I observe and what other women tell me, they are few and far between…

(Okay, I am talking about men, but I know there are ‘playgirls’ and the same applies to them.)

Relationships

Intimacy…

To feel loved and to be loved, there must be intimacy. I am not talking sex, I am talking intimacy. Sex can be an expression of intimacy and when there is real intimacy, sex is usually fulfilling, even great, leading to the kind of sex where you look deep into one another’s eyes and that takes you to a place out of this world.

‘Playboys and girls’ confuse sex with intimacy because they are emotionally fearful and insecure. Therefore, they ‘play’ at it.. nothing is real, or for keeps. 

Intimacy can be scary. No matter how much we say we want it, most of us are really terrified of getting close to another

We’re afraid to be seen for who we really are – especially the parts we don’t like about ourselves.

And some of us have so many parts that we don’t like, we spend most of our energy trying to keep those parts hidden – not just from others, but from ourselves, too.

But if you are hiding a part of yourself, how can anyone get to know you enough to really love you? They can’t. You can’t be intimate and love, or be loved because you are too focused on hiding who you are. Therefore, you won’t feel loved and neither will those around you.

One definition of Intimacy: familiarity: close or warm friendship; “the absence of fences created a mysterious intimacy in which no one knew privacy.” 

If you have too many fences, you won’t be able to feel, or to be intimate. That mysterious intimacy that leads to fulfillment will be null and void.

The self-imposed need to be ‘perfect’ can block intimacy. As a woman, if you think that you need to look perfect all the time, be at a certain weight and have on the perfect outfit…intimacy takes a back seat.

As a man, if you think that you need to earn a certain amount of money, have the right job, and know almost everything, then intimacy will take a back seat. Overly focused on image and intimacy is diminished… that master of the universe persona to impress, actually distances. Many times, overly focused on business, or sports, TV, or games is to avoid feelings… to avoid intimacy.

Often times, when intimacy is shared, an insecure person will sabotage it by anger, distancing, avoidance, or by pulling rank…. they feel too close for comfort, so they must either consciously or subconsciously do something to alleviate that ‘too close for comfort’ feeling…while it’s what they really desire…one step forward and three steps back.

It takes an internally secure person to be truly intimate with another, to be able to risk, share insecurities, and to express when and where they feel down and inadequate.

Intimacy is developed over time. I am not talking here about emotionally throwing up too often, or too soon especially when you first meet. To do this is needy and shows an emotional instability… But sometimes, a couple just clicks and they are able to talk deeply…then again, if too much is revealed, it can cause embarrassment at a later date. Vulnerability is like undressing emotionally. Therefore, to develop intimacy over time is the wisest. 

Also, as intimacy is shared it is wise not to use revealed vulnerabilities to hurt, or in anger. To do so, obviously will shut down intimacy. Protect and cherish, as private and sacred, vulnerabilities shared,  this will create a more sacred intimacy and that is what we all deeply long for, admit it or not.

We have been conditioned to think that romance must be ‘perfect’ when in reality romance and love are imperfect. And in that imperfection it becomes perfect.

We come together in romantic love for the purpose of growth, healing, intimacy and companionship… which leads to security, peace and a kind of a wonderful joy at being loved for who you are. If you can’t do that for another, how can someone do that for you? If you can’t do that for yourself, how can you do it for another?

To love and be intimate with another, is to reveal who you really are, and to be and feel loved for the sincerity of self and when you give and accept that in a relationship, you will feel loved.

If you aren’t able to love yourself, warts and all, will you be able to love another warts and all? We all have warts….no matter how hard we push them away and try to hide them, we all have them!

If you can’t love and accept yourself,  how can you love and accept another and be truly intimate?

Intimacy is the key to love, the key to feeling loved and the key to bonding between two people. It’s the ability to look deeply into yourself with acceptance then deeply into the eyes of another in acceptance.

The ability to accept those things that you don’t like about yourself (doesn’t mean that you don’t work to improve yourself) and the things that you might have shame, or remorse about can be revealed and you feel accepted with the right person. Acceptance of those things in others and self leads to intimacy and real love.

Do you accept yourself warts and all? Can you accept another warts and all?
Are you secure enough in yourself to be intimate?

Have you ever thought about what intimacy is?

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Relationships

When is it time to bail out of a relationship?

by Sara Zimmerman

Relationships are a beautiful thing, but sometimes that beauty can turn ugly. You fight and fight, or maybe, you simply ignore one another.

So, when is it time to bail on a relationship?  This is an area that I have given a lot of thought, not because I am about to pull a post runaway bride, or anything, simply because I have been in quite a few relationships.

Relationships are not something that we can control and this in itself is often the problem. No matter how disciplined you are, you are only half of the relationship. The other half is being controlled by someone else, your other half. If this is not the case, then you have a whole list of other problems to address. There is always a chaos factor and you have to prepare for that, but how do you prepare for chaos? Just don’t try to control it.

Most everyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship has had a point where they have said to themselves; “This is so sad, how did we get here? Can we get back what once was?” But how long are you ‘supposed’ to wait to pull out of the relationship rut? If this is an average rut and there is no violence, or abuse going on, then you have time.
All relationships go through their ups and downs. That’s just part of living and if you can’t survive some down time than nothing will last for you. Just sit still, gather yourself and say that you can live like this for X amount of time and commit to it. It usually does gets better.

But if it doesn’t and you find yourself miserable for an extended period of time, then maybe, it is time to revaluate the relationship. And yes, it is sad, but nothing is sadder then wasting years in a relationship that you don’t belong in. Besides, if you stick around too long, you’ll start to resent the other person, which may be why so many divorces are bitter and ugly. Rejection is never pretty, but resentment is worse.

Something to keep in mind while looking at a broken relationship, it is usually  or almost never a one sided thing. If something is wrong, you both ‘probably’ played a part in it. Deferring blame is something that, we, as humans seemed to have mastered, but ultimately the deferment only hurts ourselves. Being unable to see our part in the failure of a relationship is increasing the odds that you will make the same mistake again and then wonder, why does this always happen to me? If it always happens to you, you might want to look at well, you.

Think long and hard about what went wrong, find your part in it, and address it in yourself. Hopefully, the relationship is salvageable, but if not, then you get to start the process all over again with someone new. 

What about taking your share in the blame for those failed relationships, so you can heal and grow…
And what are your thoughts about when is the right time to bail?

Relationships

Ever had this happen???


You pine over the loss of some guy or gal in your life. You cry. You dream about them returning. You ache in the pain of the breakup and go over each and every detail of how it might’ve gone differently and you beat yourself up for your part in it…

Then one day, you run into this person that hurt you so badly and that you miss so terribly and you wonder what you ever saw in him or her?
Never fails. Can you relate?

Relationships

Male/Female communication….


Women often say that men are “off in their own world,” or “act like they’re on another planet.” What they mean is that men don’t tune in to conversations about feelings. When a woman senses that, she’ll shut down as tight as a new pair of jeans. She isn’t getting the response she needs, so why share? If men figure out how we communicate and what women want, we can all come down to Earth.

Women learn to connect with girlfriends by sharing secrets, and we learn that nice girls don’t feel anger, let alone express it. Some say that that little girls use secrets to cement friendships.

Women regard intimate conversation as the cornerstone of friendship. So a woman expects her husband to be a new and improved version of a best friend. What is important isn’t the individual subjects discussed, but the sense of closeness, of a life shared, that emerges when people tell their thoughts, feelings, and impressions..

Experts say that when men communicate, they hand over information. When women communicate we’re handing over info, but we’re also building connections.

But what’s going on when we won’t talk? If your woman isn’t talking, it could be more about old baggage than it is about you. Most of the time, women have a pretty easy time letting people know how they feel. Here’s what the pros think makes some women clam up:

– Previous abuse, emotional or physical

– Unresolved childhood issues surrounding parents

– Poor self-esteem

– Lack of closure in past relationship

– Fear of being hurt or abandoned

– Feeling disempowered

These issues can make trust the issue. Women conceal real feelings. Some women fear rejection – we worry that our feelings will seem silly. Some might not want to burden their busy man. Many of us feel angry and don’t know why. Anger can cover other feelings. When women conceal their true feelings, for whatever reason, all those feelings can quickly turn into anger, and lots of us are afraid to talk about anger.

Little girls learn to conceal anger, and from puberty on women get harassed about how hormones play in  emotions. Past experiences can make women afraid to trust or share. If we’re afraid to say we’re mad, and we aren’t sure what else we’re feeling, how can we share and talk? If everything we feel is chalked up to hormones, because that’s just easier, how do we get things off our chests? Why bother?

When men talk, they present headlines, and then maybe, answer who, what, and where – and they’re done. Women are wired exactly the opposite way. We want men to know backstory, details and headlines as a gift from us to them.  We give our time, feelings, thoughts… and then data. If we fear that men will shut us down in mid-thought, we don’t want to play. To have a successful relationship and really cool conversations, both sexes have to give a little, take a little.

Men, can learn to slow down, accepting a little more detail. Men might mellow, react more patiently, and come to a style compromise. Encourage your partner to trust your responses. Invite her to relax and do it her way. Teach yourself to pay attention and make eye contact.

Women could learn to cut to the chase a tad sooner, give important points first, and ask how much detail is comfortable. If your woman has old issues she hasn’t dealt with, and who doesn’t, she might think about some counseling to work through it.

When she feels safe and comfortable in a moment with a man, she can stay in the moment as he welcomes her need to talk. Then, the sexes are much more likely to live in harmony here on Earth, without anyone having to be out, or off in another world.

Relationships

The Insecure Man…

by Ann

may very well and can be the most dangerous thing on the planet. They create wars both large and small and because of their insecurity they can destroy even those whom they love.

Now, I am not writing about the insecurity that we all

occasionally feel, a bit of insecurity is just part of being human.

I am writing about the insecure men that abuse their wives, girlfriends and children. They harrass people who service them and those that work for and with them.

In my opinion, insecurity is the reason for most of the troubles that, we, as humans have in relationships.

When a man feels secure in himself, he can more easily be kind, considerate, caring and empathetic to others

It takes a secure man to be in a relationship. It takes a secure man to do well in their career, or job, and to do what it takes to become successful. It takes an internally secure man to keep on trying, and to take adversity and manage it. It takes a secure man to lead, provide and give support to, and for his loved ones and a secure man wants to do this. A secure man enjoys a challenge. A secure man likes responsiblity.  A secure man can admit when he feels insecure, shy, or doesn’t know how to do thus and so. An insecure man usually can’t admit any short comings.

Insecurity eats a man up from the inside out then spreads insecurity over all those with whom he comes into contact. He is jealous, moody, irritable, angry and usually for no real reason other than something that is eating him up inside… his insecurity. 

An insecure man is always trying to prove himself to himself and to others and this can take many forms to arrogance and boasting, to back biting, and undercutting. A secure man needs none of this… as he feels secure in just being and can accept his faults and that of others.

An insecure man can’t stand for another to be successful, more physically fit, richer, happier, more intelligent, more in love, or to be secure. An insecure man will do whatever he can do to bring the secure ones down to his insecure size.

So women, it’s best to avoid and steer clear of insecure men as they will only bring you down, abuse you and do everything in their power to make you feel less than you really are.
 
Insecurity must destroy security in order for its survival while security will lift up most all it comes into contact with.

So… if you find yourself feeling insecure, unhappy or stressed around a man…GET AWAY FROM HIM! Don’t think that it is about you.. know it is what he is projecting onto you, in order, that you feel as badly about yourself as he does himself.

An insecure man will diminish your light and suck the life and joy right out of a woman in his life. If his woman feels happy or secure, he feels threatened, unless, he realizes what his insecurity is doing to himself.

The insecure man is a blight on humanity as they suck power and life from the world.

And before anyone has the chance to remark, I realize that there are insecure women that wreck havoc.. but not near as much as insecure men.

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