All posts by ann888

Self-help

Intimidation! Intimidating!

Blackwhite30… the definition of intimidating is someone or something that inspires fear or awe.

(adjective) Meeting your favorite celebrity in real life is one example of a situation that might be intimidating.

Intimidating is defined as acting in a way that inspires fear or demands great respect.

(verb) When you threaten a younger child on the bus, until he gives you his lunch money, this is an example of intimidation.

Some use intimidation to get their way, to make a ‘sale’, close a deal, to take advantage of others and some have a persona that is intimidating as in their size, mannerisms, way of speaking, or tone of voice. Some men (women,too) workout and build their muscles up,, in order to ‘appear’ externally intimidating to others, which can be positive, but can also be a distortion… if they are emotionally weak internally. Therefore, their external show of intimidation is just that… a false front. As intimidation is a display of a false soul trying to strong arm, ‘over-power’ others.

Some may think that they ‘need’ to intimidate in order to succeed, or to ‘feel’ better than, when really they are just ‘trying’ to feel ‘equal’ to, as good as, or up to the task, or situation at hand.

Bullies use intimidation in some form or another…

They like, even need, to think they are ‘intimidating’ and that others see them  in this way… as it makes them ‘feel’ powerful and in control.

Think of the bully that intimidates the servers in a restaurant. The bully that intimidates his wife and children so that they succumb to him. The playboy manipulator that seduces then intimidates his prey.

To intimidate, or to ‘appear’ so, is to hold others at arm’s length, so being, or doing so, they don’t get too close to anyone. They are shut down internally and even as they may not completely, or immediately ‘get it’, people realize, they are out for themselves only and anyone else’s needs take second place. As the intimidator has little, if any real regard for anyone but themselves and their goals of what they want.  That is what intimidation is…

Observe Obama and his regime.. threats, fear, and intimidation are their stock in trade.

Intimidation can be the last resort when intellect and clean, honest speak won’t, or don’t work. But it is mostly the action of fools, or bullies, or that of last resort. So-called ‘smooth talkers’ (capable of projecting extreme sincerity when there is none ) incorporate the art of intimidation in their words, intent and agenda. They are not being real, or in any kind of integrity, and they measure each word for the intent and agenda they are after… ‘subtle intimidation’…

Intimidation isn’t always out there, obvious, overt and loud… it can also be subtle, covert, and hidden in and by manipulative words and actions…

People who enjoy intimidating others have a weak, insecure inner-core and their need to be ‘intimidating’ temporarily boosts their weak self-esteem. Many times, they have no ability to sincerely feel their emotions, so they use intimidation to be able to ‘feel’ anything at all. They enjoy watching others feel, emote and even be hurt. They often times walk away from anything real… as they can’t deal with reality in themselves..because they often feel emotionally ‘overwhelmed’ …. so they ‘intimidate’, or ‘manipulate’ others,  instead of honoring their feelings and emotions…

They like to and often do ‘correct’ others and like to prove them ‘wrong’, or make them feel less than in some regard.  They take pride in being the ‘corrector’ … the one who knows the ‘right’ way that people ‘should’ be, or what ‘should’ be done. Intimidators use ‘criticism’ as a tool.  Doing so, helps them to not look at their own flaws… but should you correct them.. they get easily offended because that reveals that you are not intimidated, or in awe of them and that makes them realize their humanity… and that they are flawed also. Also by their use of criticism, insecure people might become intimidated… and the intimidator instinctively knows this.

Example: A man who has weight issues and is insecure about his weight will bring it up allot. Then others around him will find that they begin to feel concerned, or insecure about their weight even when there is no reason to be. This is one example of covert intimidation… that perhaps, you haven’t realized or even thought about… as it’s the subtly of it.

Intimidation fits well with projection. Intimidators ‘project’ their insecurities and lack onto others out of their fear of looking at self. They must dominate and feel in control at all times… feeling vulnerable shakes them to their core.

And they often have a need to feel ‘larger than life’. So they hold people at arm’s length and hence, intimidate… even as they may, at times, give the impression of being able to feel… they really don’t, or can’t, or if they do for a moment, they find a way to run from it, suppress, or deny it. As ‘feeling’ and being sensitive is only an act in their ‘intimidation ploy’.

They are bossy, bullying, critical and insincere… and they are easily threaten internally.  But will never let anyone know… as their fall back is to try and intimidate… to be too busy, too important, or off onto another conquest, or activity, etc. Their life is what’s important not others.

Think of many ‘actors and stars’… they are so weak internally that they need, or even crave admiration in order to feel bigger than life and to feed their ego… so the art of being intimidating in some form is their the way to interact and to cope.

Intimidation and manipulation… go hand in hand. It’s an ego-boost, and those with weak ego development like to feel and ‘act’ like they have the ability to intimidate.

We have all been intimidating at times and all been intimidated at other times…

It’s how often it’s used in your repertoire that creates your reality that is revealing. If you enjoy intimidating others, and it makes you feel good to have them think you are intimidating, and you use it often, you need to perhaps, look at why. That is if you are able to do so. HA!

I had a man tell me recently that women are ‘intimidated’ by him. HA! HA!…right! I wonder why…?! “Hey baby, I am so cool and great, I know I am intimidating.” He was attempting to have me be intimidated by his comment. HA! HA!

So, if and when you sense someone is trying to overpower you with intimidation tactics, pause, take a step back, and evaluate why?

Also, ponder this – Who or what intimidates you and why? Whatever it is will reveal a part of who you are.  And are you easily intimidated and when do you display intimidation?

I know I have used it as a last resort…. like dealing with a cable company, or some other situation that has tried my nerves to the breaking point. In my personal interaction though, I never want others to feel intimidated. I want them to feel seen, heard, cared for and appreciated. As to intimidate destroys intimacy… and that is what an intimidator wants… as they can’t deal with intimacy…

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Self-help, Women In Real Life

What does it mean to be a parent?

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???????????????????????????????I have no natural children and I always thought that I would have. It was my dream as a young woman to be married to the same man all my life and to have many children. You see, I love children. I love working with them, teaching them and relating to them. I am a giver to children and a lover to a man. But you can’t be a lover to man, if he doesn’t know how to separate being a father and being a husband, or if he isn’t a ‘real man’.  HA!

I always knew the relationship begins and ends with the man and woman(husband and wife) that children are secondary to this relationship…as in this observance is one of the most powerful and influential ways children learn to relate and especially to that of the opposite sex.

Fortunately, early on, I realized that if I was unhappy in a marriage with a man whom I came to lose admiration for, came to loath his habits, his character, and his life-style, that this was not a man whom I would want to have children with. So, I didn’t. I got out of the marriage, instead of bringing a child into it. Unlike some women, and also some men, who ‘think’, if we have a baby, it will make everything better, as this rarely is the case because a child’s needs only serve to make things more obvious and extreme. Therefore, in many cases worse, and I instinctively knew this. 

I had a stepdaughter, and have assisted in rearing two young boys into young manhood, of a man I dated at length. And I have taught children and volunteered in positions where I interacted with many. I get along with children and relate well with them. They usually respect and love me. Might it be because I treat them as children? I don’t use them, lean on them, have them fill-up some gap in my life, or have them take over a place, some lack, or issue in my life where children do not belong.

I have friends who treat their children as something else other than children. A friend, I have known for 25 years has told me repeatedly how she can’t stand her husband and wants out of the marriage. She had a young son, when we first met, then later had a daughter. Her husband is emotionally abusive. I have listened repeatedly for years then advised that she leave him. As I would have left this man immediately and certainly not had children with him. Yet, she stays with him and states it’s ‘because of the children’ that she does. Now, she says that once their youngest gets out of highschool she will leave. But, she said that about her son then went onto have another child. Now, her life is centered around her daughter as this is her ‘excuse’ for staying in a terrible marriage. She uses her daughter to fill up her emotional emptiness.

But recently, her daughter said,”I will never get married. I think you should leave Dad. He is mean. I hate being around him. Don’t leave me alone with him.” So clearly the example being set by this marriage staying together at all cost …is not serving anyone. Is my friend afraid to leave? Does she stay out of ‘duty’? Does she think she deserves the abuse? Who knows? She’s the breadwinner in the family and she for the most part is a great mother. All the husband does is to criticize and fight. The marriage is a farce, the children know it and the observation of this dysfunction, disordered, abuse along with my friend’s inability to get out, has damaged the children’s take on what healthy relating is between a man and a woman.

I have another friend who ‘lives’ for her children. Her husband is a great provider and she walks through the motions of being a ‘wife’, while her life is really only about ‘her kids’. It’s all she talks about. She hardly ever talks about herself. I have asked her many times about her goals and her life and all she does is talk about her life lived through her children. And listening to her makes me sad and I actually find it pathetic and a horrible example for her children.

I have met men who ‘spoil’ their children rotten. Then wonder why, they fail classes, have no ambition, don’t take care of their belongings, talk back to them and get into all sorts of trouble. It seems obviously clear to me, the why of it.  Sure kids should have their goodies and have fun. But ‘some parents’ today, ‘think’ their ‘ego-pride’ of showing the world how much money they have and what they can buy for their children is more important and valuable than teaching their children values and setting the standards to develop their children’s character. They let their children run the show, pull them this way then that, while they stress and wonder why their children are the way they are and wonder why they show them little to no respect. The truth is the children do not respect the parents because the parents let them walk all over them. These particular parents may have grown up with lack, so they want to make sure that their kids have everything that they didn’t… things.

I know women who treat their sons as if they are their ‘husbands’ relying on them way too much for their emotional needs, if not entirely. It’s children who deserve and need your support. Parents are there to ‘support’ and to ‘nurture’ children first and foremost, instead of the other way around. They don’t need your immaturity, emotional lack and your trauma being put on their backs to carry as they are growing, learning and ‘trying to mature’ into adults.

Immature parents create children who don’t mature, who escape into drugs, Internet games, sex and other negative activities. This is so obvious that it shouldn’t need to be said, but unfortunately, it does.

Some people have children only so that ‘they’ will have someone to ‘love them’. How twisted is that? You should not have children, until you are prepared to love, nurture, guide and support them. And if you can’t do that for yourself, how do you think you can do this for a child? The obvious point is, you can’t! So, why are you having children? Do people even ‘think’ now days about what the responsibility of having a child is and  what it really means?

Then the men who state, “Well, ‘she’ got pregnant.” As if they had nothing to do with it. Men who make comments such as this disgust me beyond belief. They take no responsibility for any of it. They are the ‘child-men’ of this world… the non-men.

Then we have this kind of a situation…  My ex-husband treated his daughter, before I met him, like she was an adult. When she was a toddler, he took her to business dinners, even formal ones, and talked with pride about how adult she was.

My own Father hearing him brag of this told me it’s not right for the child. It is putting too much pressure on her. He is using her like a date, or as if she was a woman. And my Father was correct. My ex-husband could relate more to a child than he could a grown woman and as this became clearer to me, I exited…

It can seem easier to the emotionally immature to fulfill a child’s needs then to interact and deal with a grown woman. I have observed some men who put all their relating into and onto their children and use them as an excuse… how sad for all concerned. Men who do this are usually afraid of real intimacy with a woman. Once, I had a man tell me he needed to ask his daughter if he could take me out. HA! Idiot man! Then throughout the years, I have listened to men tell me that they can’t do this and that because of their kids. They seem to ‘think’ that catering to their children makes them a ‘good father’ … When it makes them a fool and is detrimental to their kids and what they observe.

And it’s interesting, my stepdaughter wanted to live with me after the divorce and not with her Father, or her Mother. And the reason was, perhaps, because, I treated her like the child that she was. I didn’t put ‘me’ onto ‘her’. I set boundaries that I expected her to live by and she thrived, even though she fought and balked at first and even told me, I was mean… she came to love it. Sure, I wanted to be the loved stepmom, but I cared more for her than me. So, I stuck to my guns. When I met her, she was a spoiled rotten over-indulged and overly-doted upon child and I assisted in taking that burden off of her. She could be a child with me without the weight of the issues of her parents. So, she felt free, instead of weighted down.

Ponder…

If you drink, then tell your children not to drink..
If you are promiscuous, then tell your children not to be…
If you are a liar, a cheat, or lazy, then tell your children not to be…

It just doesn’t play…

Children see who you really are and that is how and who they model and learn from. It’s not what you say, it’s how you live, what you do each, and everyday, the choices that you make, the real you is how and where the imprint is passed from you to your children…

Now, some children as they grow and mature, will attempt to choose the ‘opposite’ of who their parents are and what they model, if they felt abused or harmed, but even in so doing, they ‘may’ still choose the same, as it’s their imprint that guides them. But, at times, observing what you don’t want will enable a person to choose differently to create what they would rather have…

It’s all individual… and children deserve to be their unique self as much as is possible without the baggage of their parents weighting them down.

Clearly children observe and learn from who you are, not who you ‘pretend’ to be, not who you ‘think’ you are, but who you really are.

In my opinion, rearing a child is the most important job in the world. It’s a sincere, deep and profound responsibility. One that seems to be taken way too lightly today. Either that, or some parents use their ‘child responsibilities’ as an escape and excuse for not having a relationship with an adult partner and not ‘growing up’ themselves. Preferring to interact and wallow in their issues and neediness of the imprint from their own childhood, or what they can’t look at in themselves. Therefore, they project their damaged and disordered imprint onto their children…

After all, it’s easier for some men and women to relate to children than it is to relate to an adult partner.

In my opinion, children need to be treated as children, not adults, and certainly not like a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or to take up the emotional space of a spouse that is no longer there.

Adults who are emotionally needy children, ‘need’ to stop having children, out of irresponsibility, or the desire that the child fill them up, or to heal themselves in some regard.

I have no natural children, but in ways, I have had many…and I can see and observe their hearts, their wounds and their sensitivities, etc.

A parent’s positive and negative traits are what a child breaks against to become who they will eventually become…

I know that’s what I did. And oftentimes, it takes most of a lifetime to realize, and to process into awareness the realization of what was imprinted on you as a child, then to be able to stand back and outside of it, in order, that you see your parents as people, so that you become whole and able to choose freely.

It takes a Mother and a Father to rear a child. It takes the example of the male and the female… to create healthy wholeness in a human and in humanity…

On this Father’s Day… how about think about how you relate to your children and what kind of an imprint you are making on them and what they will carry from you for their entire life.

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Women In Real Life

Like swimming in Champagne…

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???????????????????????????????Lunch and shopping at Neiman’s is a ???????????????????????????????Texas tradition’ for ladies ‘in the know’…. in the know, of what is relaxing, pampering along with a touch of Texas class and elegance. The food is superb especially the popovers with raspberry butter…make sure to take some home….

Today, I enjoyed this adventure with my ‘crazy’ Russian friend, Lara, and I state this with sincere affection because we have known each other for over twenty years….even though she ‘really is crazy’, but in a ‘good’ way, most of the time, anyway. HA! And she will say the same about me. Only, it’s not true about ‘me’. Really! It’s not!

But okay???????????????????????????????she takes pleasure in telling the story of how we met… a Russian alteration lady from Calvin Klein in HIghland Park (it was on the corner before Chanel) called Lara crying … “There is this lady and I cannot please her. Would you see if you can?” Yep that was me, the not-pleasable-lady.  Lara owns an excellent alteration and dressmaking shop and she has been pleasing me for over 20 years. She is a real craftsman with an ‘eye’. Lara has ripped apart and redesigned many of my designer duds… Armani, Klein, Karan, etc. over the years. Once standing in my bathroom, she cut a Calvin Klein dress right down the front and we redesigned it and made it totally fab!???????????????????????????????

On our excursion today, Lara ordered a scrumptious shrimp salad, while, I got the Tuscan chicken sandwich with french fries, and, of course, we shared.

FYI, a well-kept Dallas secret, only a very few know…  Neiman’s has fab fries. Shhh! Now, keep that to yourself, ya’ll…

And we consumed every tasty morsel…

Then a bit of exploratory shopping amongst the??????????????????????????????? goodies with help from the staff of utmost service and excellence.

It’s like swimming in champagne on a toasty summer day in Texas, lunching and shopping at Neiman’s… while, all we actually sipped upon was refreshing sparkling water.

It’s just that Neiman’s affect, ya’ll.  The magical, fantasy, elegant world that Stanley Marcus created for excellence in the art and experience of shopping.

I had the pleasure of knowing Mr. Marcus and he was one class act, a humble, perfectionist, appreciating the unique and the best… just like his store…

And just like me. I have worked in the finest of the ‘carriage trade’ and this assisted to define my appreciation of the finest quality… maybe, even to over define… HA!

I worked part time, while in college, at Miss Jackson’s then onto Le Marquis, owned by Joanne Skelly .. of the Skelly oil family who brought fine china, crystal and other fine art objects to Oklahoma and Texas from the greatest of the European craftsman…  Waterford, Galway,
Wedgewood, Lalique, Limoges, Baccarat, Tiffany …to name a few. I came to know Mr. Marcus during this time frame.

Compare the fine European craftsman to the junk from China that you find at places like Walmart. Sure, they are different shopping experiences and both have their place and of course…???????????????????????????????

saving money is great. I love to! But on some things, it’s worth paying the price and the wisest seasoned shopper knows the difference… when to splurge, when to save and  when to cut corners..

Neiman’s is much more than ‘Needless Mark-ups’. You will find the unique, the finest and the exceptional offered with the best of service. And great service is what we need more of as this is the American way…

Neiman ‘s … a magnificentTexas tradition…

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Irony, Self-help, Women In Real Life

To respect authority, or not?…

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???????????????????????????????It can be good and it can be wise, but at times, it isn’t… like when ‘authority’ is wrong, or actually harmful.

I was taught to ‘respect authority’ … and I did, but I also questioned it and, at times, challenged it, because I was taught to ‘think’ by the educational systems I attended and by my parents, especially my Father. I also was born with an inquisitive mind and a strong will and with a sense of right and wrong imprinted on me by God.

Many of the Jewish people in Germany ‘respected the authority’ that told them to get on a train to concentration camps and ultimately their death. They were obedient to ‘authority’.

To respect and follow authority blindly is to be made a fool.

Just because ‘someone’, or a group has ‘authority’ over you, or some ‘so-called experts’ tell you what you should, or should not do, doesn’t mean they are ‘right’, ‘good’, ‘honorable’, ‘wise’ or ‘caring’, or have good intentions. It only means  they have the ‘authority’ and are wielding it. And any ‘authority’ on earth can be corrupted, with a self-serving agenda and even evil intent.

There are corrupt police, judges, attorneys, politicians, presidents, leaders, doctors, psychologists, advisers, teachers, etc. that may have ‘temporary earthly authority’, but are not worth respecting, or listening to because they are not respectful, wise, competent, nor do they respect the individual authority in you.

A ‘title’ means nothing… it’s the character of the individual carrying the title that gives it value and authority, or not.

Corrupt authority relies on ‘useful idiots’ to not only follow them blindly, but to help them implement ‘their agenda’.

I have noticed and learned that those in authority who are worth respecting and listening to, are respectful of their authority, humble, and consider it ‘their responsibility’ to do the ‘right thing’ for others… and that their authority is not about power over others, but wise, honorable, conscientious service to others. They have an element of self-sacrifice leading them more than that of a self-serving agenda.

There are so many rules today, too many, and regulations… many unnecessary and are used only for ‘control’, to levy fines for revenue, and to give someone false and meaningless power over others. Are all these to be ‘respected as authority’, or are they to be ‘challenged’ by thinking individuals?

Throughout history, many times, those who challenge authority are those who create a better world.

Challenging the authority of a dictator and the authority of suppression and oppression frees the people to live, and to create a better world. That is how and why America was created. 

So, it’s my opinion, respect authority, but to also question it. That is what we must teach our youth.

If someone doesn’t respect my individual authority over myself and my choices, why would I respect them, or what they ‘suggest’, ‘tell’, ‘order’, or ‘direct’ me to do?

Consider the source of the authority, their reasoning and their agenda, why is it, what it is, and why is in place where it is and for what purpose? I have witnessed, seen and experienced many fools with authority. And these fools are looking for other fools to follow them… 

Thinking, common sense, and rational reasoning have become lost today.

It’s actually amazes me the ignorance of some in authority – their agenda, their manipulation, their lies, their ignorance, their complete disregard for truth, honor, integrity, or respect for an individual’s right to be and to choose for themselves.

So, in respecting authority there is a fine line… to do so can be wise, but then it can also lead to harm and even self-destruction and that of many in the world.

In this time of Leviathan … the words and intentions of those in authority must, it’s even imperative, that they be weighed, examined and questioned thoroughly.

We must teach people to think, instead of to follow, to reason, instead of  being lead, to have respect for self, mind – body – and soul – because by so doing, common sense will have a chance to reemerge. Otherwise…

Would you follow an idiot into hell just because they have the ‘authority’  and the fast talking words to lead you there?

Be your own authority…

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Women In Real Life

Enjoyed rockin’ your cane, Dad, but it’s on its way out…

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???????????????????????????????After two weeks in rehab, I am about done with using my Dad’s cane. Now, I only use it when I am out, like walking outside, across a parking lot, or in the grocery store, etc., in the house, not at all.

Without it, I limp a bit and am still working on strengthening my left leg and focusing on walking from heel to toe in a natural flow into a smooth gait and to accomplish this, it’s time to lose the cane. 

My arm is getting more range of mobility each day and I am beginning to use it more naturally without thinking, or worrying about it.
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Actually, using a cane has its glamour and distinguishing style.

In ways, it’s just plain kinda cool.

There is even something kind of ‘sexy’ about it and it certainly makes for a cool prop…

???????????????????????????????Or is my take, based on my theatrical background? Ha!

Although, it ???????????????????????????????can be irritating at the sametime… because after awhile it gets in the way and becomes a nuisance. I guess, that’s when it’s time to let go of it…right?
But, I am certainly glad, I had my Dad’s cane to steady me as I healed and learned to maneuver on my feet and legs again.
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Although, I’d rather have been using the cane as a ‘real prop’, as in dancing around it, instead of actually needing it.

I feel much better and more like myself each day. But, I need to make sure to take my time and not???????????????????????????????push too hard.. but then at the sametime to push, so that I make gains in strength and movement everyday.???????????????????????????????This rehabing is ‘something’ else and not for sissies…

But, ‘Mr. Cane’, your days are numbered. You will soon be back poised in the corner of my powder room.

But, I will forever look upon you with gratitude and fondness…along with the amazing feeling of being looked after and cared for from above by my Dad during this ordeal.
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Thank you all again for your prayers,
words of kindness, support and inspiration.  I appreciate you all so very much, each and everyone!!!

Feeling cared for and supported certainly is and will help my healing process along. So again… THANK YOU!!!

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Women In Real Life

Well, at least, I wasn’t on a bus in Mexico…

I have been forcing myself to do more and more, in order, that I regain my ‘normal’  existence after my ‘unmarked, wet floor slip and fall’. So yesterday, I decided to run an errand that would consist of my driving into Dallas into busy traffic and into a ‘not so nice’ part of town.

I had only been driving around my neighborhood area and keeping out of major traffic. So today, I gave myself a talking to… ‘Get out there and do your usual stuff. What are you waiting for?! Get what you need at that place then get back home fast. And you will feel better and like you accomplished something and that you stretched your boundaries.’ This was an errand I was meaning to do a month ago before the ‘unmarked wet floor’ situation…

You know those places you occasionally visit to get a particular item, but you don’t like to go there, except forge on anyway (like Walmart only worse)? Well, this was where I was headed.
 
I had just hung up the phone with my Aunt who told me that my Cousin’s husband was bitten on his hand by a dog they took in, and he had to have stitches, and a tetanus shot and they are leaving for Europe tomorrow. I remarked. “It seems many people are having bizarre incidents happen, such as my ‘unmarked, wet floor’ accident. What is going on in the world?”

So driving on Alpha near Montfort, I think I bump over one of those little thingys in the road, they use to guide drivers into the correct lane, then I turn into the parking lot and park. My ‘check tires light’ comes on. And, I think, ‘Okay, I will take it by Discount Tires when I get back to ‘my part of town’.’

But, I get out of my car to find that both my tires on the drivers side are flat as pancakes. “Are you freaking kidding me!? What in the world could have happened? I just lightly bumped over one of those thingys and I was going slow. I have never had this happen before. What a horror show!

I am using my cane and my elbow is not 100 percent. I am in a ‘not so great part’ of town (that funky area nearer Preston before the Galleria) and I have two flat tires and this is my first venture out since my accident… Really! Not really?! #$%E#@!$%$!!!

I call Jaguar roadside assistance and explain. “I need a tow to Park Place Jaguar in Plano and please hurry. I am in a bad part of town and I am recuperating from an accident and I want outta here.”

“Can you give me an address?”
 
“A strip center on Alpha and Montfort… that’s all I know.” (There are no numbers that I can see and I am not going out walking around.)

They trace my location using my phone.

“Okay ma’am, we have you located. A tow should be there in about an hour.”

“An hour, couldn’t it be sooner?” As, I ponder and look around, ‘I might be murdered by then’.

“I understand ma’am. WIll you be with your car?”

“Of course.”

 I get out of the car and go into the shop to nab the item that this outing was all about.(I know, I coulda gone in and asked their address, but shrug… I wasn’t thinking, I guess)  I come out, get into my car, turn on the AC and wait, while I feel like I am being circled by vultures… if you know what I mean? I am getting lots of stares. I am in the land of rap, Obama-land, and I stick out like a sore thumb and I am using a friggin cane.

Men stop to offer help. I explain a tow is on the way. I call my Aunt. She can’t believe my bad luck. I get out of the car. It is hot, muggy, sprinkling on and off. The sun comes out, it gets hotter and more grungy… only like a nasty, thick air Texas day, not far from the traffic congestion of LBJ  can be sometimes. There is a stank in the air. I have my hair braided at my neck to keep it out of the air and I only mention this because it takes ‘two arms’, (yep, a left arm) to braid behind your head and I did it! I am getting more flexibility and mobility in my left elbow. So rock in roll, hoochie coo!

The shopping center guard comes over to suggest that I wait in a hamburger joint near by because it will be cooler. But I elect to stay close to, or in my car. Several more men stop to offer assistance and actually they are very nice. They look scary, but are ‘acting’ nice to the ‘white girl using a cane’.
In about thirty minutes, I spy a tow truck across the parking lot on the edge of the strip center. I stand and wave to flag it down. But I am small and he can’t see me. Then one of the help-offering men runs across to the truck and points in my direction. The tow truck driver sees me and here he comes. YAY!!! 

I am so happy to see him. I explain my physical situation as he looks around and takes in the flavor of where I am and I can tell, he wants to ask, What are ‘you’ doing ‘here’?’ But he says, “Don’t worry ma’am, I will get you outta of here in no time.”

Okay so, I climb into a tow truck cab with a healing fractured hip and a healing elbow. Well, he does help a bit by holding me at my waist… but still… I so rock the healing curve!

He loads my car onto the bed of the truck, then we head north on the tollway. I can’t say enough good things about how the towing-man treated me… on a scale of 1-10… he was 100! I have always had good experiences with Jordan Towing, but this guy… WOW! He got to me in thirty minutes because of my situation and he treated my car and me like we were precious cargo.
 
Outside the Jaguar dealership, this sweet towing-man lifts me out of the truck with one arm. It’s one thing to climb up, quite another to climb down.

Then my Jaguar serviceman appears and walks me into the waiting room. What began so bizarrely was ending just fine. Now, I was safe in the Jaguar waiting room.
 
I got a loaner and was soon on my way to my house. Whew! And my car will be ready tomorrow. So after rehab, I will pick it up. Ta da!

Do ‘bad things’ really happen in threes? 1. A week before my ‘unmarked, wet floor’ accident, I got a ‘speeding’ ticket. It was on one of those streets that changes speeds from 35 to 45 miles per hour and you can’t recall which is where. Other people were speeding fast past me. I told the cop this, and he replied, “Well, my laser was on ‘you’. But don’t worry, you can get out of it.” So, it was a shake down for revenue. I pay a fee then take a driving class and it is off my record. So great, I have that to look forward to. 2. The ‘unmarked, wet floor accident’. 3. Then this two tire flat as a pancake blowout on my first driving venture to push myself into my regular existence.

So, is this it? Or is there more?

Should I test the concept of bad things come in threes and drive my ‘rehabing self’ to Padre Island then take a bus across the border to Matamoros, I wonder what the Mexican cops might find strapped under my seat.  HA! HA!

Now as I write this, I am safe in my bed, after washing and drying my hair. I can even do that now on my own. I so rock! So now, I am sitting pretty and smelling like a rose, as my Dad used to say.

This morning, I read the innocent woman who was incarcerated in that Mexican rat hole is now home with her family. So YAY!I I bet she is happy to be freshly showered, in her bed and in her home with her seven children surrounding her.

Texas people are the best! Even in a scary part of town, I was taken care of with that ‘great big Texas, we help each other out attitude’. “Can I help you, ma’am?”
 
If we could’ve sent some Texas Rangers into get that innocent woman, I bet she would’ve been home sooner.

God, thank you for your ‘Angels of protection’ showing up in unusual places…

All’s well that ends well…

Just another day of adventure.. huh?

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Inspirational/Spiritual, Politics

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, …

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 Obama-Lies-SCand eventually ‘they’ will believe it.” ~Adolf Hitler

“… the magnitude of a lie always contains a certain factor of credibility, since the great masses of the people in the very bottom of their hearts tend to be corrupted rather than consciously and purposely evil, and that, therefore, in view of the primitive simplicity of their minds, they more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a little one, since they themselves lie in little things, but would be ashamed of lies that were too big. Such a falsehood will never enter their heads, and they will not be able to believe in the possibility of such monstrous effrontery and infamous misrepresentation in others.…” (page 231 of the Manheim translation)” ~of Mein Kampf

Lies – the basis of propaganda….

The Hitler regime and Obama regime use the theory and practice of the ‘lie’ well…and the low-information masses follow, don’t question and believe…

Women In Real Life

My Father’s Cane…

I never would have imagined that almost one year exactly 
after my Father’s death, I would be using one of his canes.

Daddy used canes for years, because of an injury when in was in the Navy. He had been an athlete in highschool and was recruited to be a pitcher, but he hurt his arm and couldn’t pitch any longer.

After a few years of college, he went into the Navy, where he acquired an injury to his upper vertebra. He was a large, vibrant man, and it wasn’t until later in his life that he needed to use a cane to steady his walk. While in the Navy, Dad flew, but he was also on a submarine…  and going from the different altitudes wrecked havoc on him. He told me stories about being in the Navy infirmary and how alone he felt.
 
Healing is an alone process…

Through the years, I would buy him antique, or usual canes for gifts. He had quite a collection.

After he died last year on April 6th, I got some of his canes. I put the black one with the silver handle leaning in a corner of my powder room. Each time, I would see it, it would give me the feeling that Dad was in my house watching over me.

On April 25th,  I had an accident. I slipped and fell on an unmarked wet, concrete floor in a local wine bar, breaking my left elbow and and creating a hairline fracture in my left hip. (‘unmarked, wet floor, wine bar wounded warrior’… not really funny, but..)

I was on crutches for a bit. And how horrible are those things?! While I needed to ‘baby’ my left hip completely for awhile, using the crutches threw my walking gait off. After starting rehab to strengthen my left leg, I decide to toss the crutches and to use my Father’s cane.  And even though, he was 6’2″ and I am 5’3″, it works for me. 
 
It is exactly what I need right now. It offers support, while I strengthen my left leg to regain my natural walking gait. And while using it, I feel  so close to my Dad.

Each step I take to regain my natural walk and balance, my Dad is with me. Just like when I was taking my first steps, and my Dad encouraged, balanced and guided me as I learned to walk, he is here with me now. My parents told me, I learned to walk at nine months and after I did, that I ran everywhere… Mother could barely keep up with me.

Now, I rest my hand on the same silver handle that my Dad used for years.

Dad used to tell me he loved to watch me walk and move. I have a fast walk, and he told me he loved the energy of my fast-pace.

I was blessed to be born with my Dad’s will of iron, to keep on keeping on. It’s one of my greatest gifts from him.

Mom used to say, you and your Father are just alike, both have heads as thick as a brick wall…”stubborn as can be.” When Mom would say this, usually, when she was irritated at one, or the both of us, Dad and I would look at each other shrug and smile.  Dad and I are/were alot alike and our hard heads could butt in real style…

But actually, that ‘stubborn will’ served/serves us well at times…

As I go about dealing with this ordeal, I can hear my Dad’s words as I push, falter, get frustrated, scared, then keep on… “Keep at it tiger. You can do it. I am here with you. I am proud of you.” 

Dad was a wounded warrior and my accident and what it takes to recover has given me a new appreciation for what it is to deal with and recover from physical trauma.

Dad, I promise with the help of your cane, with your eyes and energy from above watching over me, and with the grace of God, I will regain the walk I was born to have and that you loved to watch.

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Women In Real Life

After a fall, surgery, almost two weeks in bed…

three weeks on crutches, and a splint and sling on my arm for three weeks…. I am now using a cane and in rehab…Hooray… but…

What an ordeal! I go three times a week.  I need to get flexibility and full range of motion back into my left elbow and arm, and strengthen my left leg, the muscles around the fracture in my hip, so I do not need a cane and can walk with my natural gait again.

Since, I was three years old, I have been in dance studios, ballet studios, gyms, workout facilities, spin classes, aerobic classes, bench classes, boxing classes, all kinds of yoga, and pilates. I have danced on stages, choreographed dances and recitals, taught toddlers to football players, beginners to professionals, taught classes for overweight housewives and new moms wanting to regain their figures. I have trained  using all kinds of machines and weights, and in all those years, I never had an injury that could not be healed with a little heat and a good night’s sleep. And now, because of an unmarked wet floor in a restaurant, I am going through this ordeal. 

I have never been in rehab and now, I have several physical therapists and trainers looking over me…
I go from heat to stretching, to isometrics, to stretching to walking, to riding a bike, to ice…

Some of the activities feel good.. because it feels great to move after being so sedentary and others hurt terribly …

Rehab is hard work…

Many of the young trainers, have had injuries in several areas of their bodies… youngsters are rehabing from sports injuries… makes me wonder how all my life I escaped injury until now…

It was clearly the fault of the unmarked, wet floor…

People are continually asking, “What happened to you?” And today a woman commented. “Are you always so meek? You are so quiet.”

I have never been called ‘meek’ in my life, but I will say this accident has taken its toll on me in ways I can’t express or explain…

I am focused on my body and what it needs to heal itself to become whole again and fully functioning.

I am trying to keep my mental and emotional self positive. Sure, I have had several melt downs and have gotten very frustrated when I can’t do for myself what I once did with little effort. I cried most all day on my birthday which was three days after surgery. I awaken in the middle of the night, or early morn and it feels surreal as I think back to all that happened in such a short time and how fast my life changed because of it. I barely recall the weekend after the fall, or the weeks after surgery. It’s a blur as the days ran together, but now I am waking out of the fog to the reality of what I am dealing with…

I have always been one who appreciates the simple pleasures of a warm shower and clean sheets, and I always thank God in appreciation.. so now, I am humbled a bit more… 
 
Healing in rehab is a solitary activity. It’s an internal process that makes its way outward in bits and pieces…one step forward, one step back, then two forward once again.

And while you have your trainers, it’s you doing the work.
 
It’s competition with yourself, pushing and challenging your body.

This is what I have done since I was three, just never in this particular way….

 
One of my physical therapists… doesn’t she look like the actress, Jennifer Connolly?

All my physical therapists have been great …
 

Inspirational/Spiritual, Self-help

Evil is becoming more prevalent and getting stronger…

23 Comments

???????????????????????????????and stronger.. but don’t let it enter and take you over as that is its goal.. to make life so bad, so hurtful, so much disaster, trauma, drama, hate and cruelty, murder, killing, senseless dying, maiming, chaos and harm that you will lose your faith in good, in God.

That you will turn against God and not believe any longer.. that is what evil wants to lower you to its level. That is evil’s goal. That is Satan’s goal for all of God’s children. Satan captures and collects souls and evil will come after you the quickest and most direct way to your soul

Can you feel it in the wind, in the air, in the misdoings and ugly deeds?

I had a call from a friend recently who was distraught over the storm damage in Oklahoma… the needless suffering of innocents because of the weather.  In his pain and torment, he asked, “How can God let this happen? If there is a God, why didn’t he stop the deaths and suffering of the innocent children!? If God controls the universe, he controls the weather, why didn’t he stop the storms from doing so much harm and damage?

In talking with him, I know that he has a wounded inner-child. Therefore, he identifies deeply with the suffering of children. It breaks his heart because that is how and where his heart is broken. It’s his wound.

And that is where Satan will come after you… right where you live, right where your wound is deepest, where you are most vulnerable because he knows that may be the way, the only way, that he can get you to turn against God.. turn against faith and belief in goodness and God…and to come to his side of evil corruption…

I am writing this for my friend….

Recently, I was hit hard where I live. As you all know, I slipped on an unmarked wet floor.. breaking my elbow and creating a hairline fracture in my hip. This accident took away my independence, my physical capabilities which I have had all my life. It was my strength. I have spent my whole life active and in some form of physical activity, from ballet, to sports, to aerobics, to weights, to teaching and training others. I think moving and being physical is the most important activity a human being can do. It not only keeps the body strong, it cleanses the mind, and spirit, keeps your mind active and integrates, the body, mind and spirit. And this accident brought me down.

I would always say if I can have a hot shower and a hair dryer, I can endure anything…well, this was temporarily taken away. I was stripped of my simple pleasures.

I felt beaten up, taken down, alone, destroyed, betrayed, confused, abandoned… but I turned towards God, not away…

I didn’t curse God for letting this occur… I turned towards him to help me heal and for strength…

And that is what we all must do… no matter what the trauma, loss, harm, or betrayal.

And of course, some losses are incredibly worse than others…. so deep and tormenting that it is seemingly unbearable. But God can bear it with you… where Satan will leave you there in torment and take pleasure in your pain.

Remember Job? Everything was taken from him… everything! But he never turned from God and he was restored.

God can heal wounds, all wounds and show you the light, the way, and the strength to endure. There have been many times in my life when without the grace of God, I would not have been able to endure.

Satan knows and focuses on your weaknesses. God knows and focuses on your strengths…

No one really knows why anything happens.. no one can really know. Why was I in that wine bar, at that particular time, and decide to go to the restroom when I did? Why was the floor wet and unmarked? Why does one person live and another die when a storm hits a community? Why is one house left standing while all the others are destroyed around it? Why does a runner have his legs blown off? Why are sweet, innocent children killed in their school room? All the whys can make you crazy in the asking.  Sure go ahead and ask as much as you need to…but….

No one can know the reasons, but God. And someday, if you ‘believe’, you will know and understand also. You will have a peace that passes all understanding.

God has the answers… and someday they will be known. Until then..  focus and believe in the goodness of God.

Evil walks this earth. Satan rules here.

We are on this earth, not of it… everything here is temporary.

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